“Number two, most coaches are nervous around an athlete who is internally motivated and independent. They prefer that their players sacrifice themselves to the point of misery, that they become totally dependent on the coach and the team. ‘If you want to spend time with your family now, you must not want it enough’.”

“We suggest that coaches should think differently: I need you to bring your whole person to the job. If you are out of balance, you are not going to be able to sustain your performance at the high level we need. Therefore, even if you have spurts of high achievement, you will be consistently underperforming.”

“This doesn’t mean that you should never get in a player’s face and tell him that his play or behavior is unacceptable. We’re not saying that players should be undisciplined. We’re saying that true discipline - real accountability, real responsibility - comes from within. You, the coach, need to accept that, and so, in turn, do your players. If you’ve chosen right and if you’ve taught the right things, you can go to your kids and say, ‘You know the program and you’re not getting it done,’ and they have to take responsibility for their own behavior. But if you have a system that depends on fear and intimidation, that doesn’t teach accountability and responsibility, the players have a built-in excuse: ‘I was only doing what you told me to do.’ No accountability. No responsibility. No ownership’.”

“You’ve got to give the kids a chance to buy into the system. You teach, they learn. You teach, they learn. But at some point, they have to account for their own actions. Not your demands - their own actions. If kids behave inappropriately, you have to confront them with the consequences, up to and including, if necessary, dismissal from the team. The choice then rests with the player, not the coach.”

Dr. Rick Aberman has worked with athletes, coaches and teams at the collegiate and professional levels for over 20 years. Have a question for him? Please e-mail him at deardr@lennickaberman.com.